Hi I am Roslyn Saunders, Codependency Coach and Addiction Coach.
From my own personal journey, walking alongside my children through their addictions, and now guiding countless others on their paths to recovery, I’ve come to understand the powerful and often insidious nature of the codependent trauma bond. It’s a complex dynamic that keeps people trapped in unhealthy relationships, often with addicts, but also with narcissists or other emotionally unavailable individuals.
So, what exactly is a codependent trauma bond?
Imagine two people connected by invisible chains forged in a fire of emotional intensity. These chains are woven from intermittent reinforcement, where moments of love and affection are interspersed with abuse, neglect, or manipulation. This creates a cycle of highs and lows, keeping the codependent person constantly walking on eggshells, craving those fleeting moments of connection.
The trauma bond is cemented by the codependent person’s deep-seated belief they can “fix” or “save” the other person. This belief stems from their own often unresolved childhood trauma, leading them to seek validation and a sense of self-worth through caretaking.
Here’s how this destructive dance plays out:
- The addict or narcissist: Often charismatic, they may exhibit addictive behaviours or narcissistic traits, creating a chaotic and unpredictable environment.
- The codependent: Driven by a need to please and fix, they become hyper-focused on the other person’s needs, neglecting their own. They often make excuses for the other person’s behaviour, enabling the cycle to continue.
The trauma bond becomes a powerful force, making it incredibly difficult for the codependent person to leave the relationship, even when it’s clearly harmful.
Breaking Free: A Journey of Healing
If you recognise yourself in this description, please know that there is hope. Breaking free from a codependent trauma bond is a challenging but profoundly liberating journey. Here are some essential steps:
- Acknowledge the problem: The first step is recognising you’re in a codependent relationship and that a trauma bond exists.
- Seek support: A therapist / coach, like myself, specialising in codependency can provide invaluable guidance and support.
- Establish boundaries: Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries is crucial in breaking the cycle of codependency.
- Focus on self-care: Prioritise your own needs and well-being. Rediscover your own identity and passions.
- Develop self-compassion: Healing from codependency requires kindness and understanding towards yourself.
Remember, you are not alone. With the right support and commitment to your own healing, you can break free from the chains of codependency and create a life filled with healthy, fulfilling relationships.
If you’re ready to embark on this journey, I’m here to help. Contact me today for a confidential consultation.
Roslyn Saunders Codependency Coach and Addiction Specialist
