By Roslyn Saunders, Codependency Recovery Coach Specialist
Do you find yourself saying “yes” when every part of you wants to scream “no”? Are you exhausted from taking on more than you can handle, just to avoid disappointing someone? If you’ve ever felt a deep sense of guilt for prioritising your own needs, this message is for you.
For years, many of us have been conditioned to believe that saying “yes” is a sign of kindness, loyalty, and strength. But what if it’s actually a sign of something much deeper—a fear of rejection, a need for external validation, or even a symptom of codependency?
My name is Roslyn, and as a codependency recovery coach, I see this pattern every single day. The inability to set a boundary and say “no” isn’t just a personality quirk; it’s a powerful red flag that indicates you might be stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing that is draining your energy and costing you your own well-being.
Why “Yes” Can Lead to Burnout
When you can’t say no, you are essentially telling the world that your own time, energy, and feelings are less important than everyone else’s. Over time, this chronic self-neglect has very real consequences:
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You feel resentful. Every time you say “yes” out of obligation, resentment begins to build—not just toward others, but toward yourself for not speaking up.
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Your self-esteem plummets. When you consistently put others’ needs before your own, you teach yourself that you are not worthy of care.
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You risk burnout. The emotional and physical toll of being constantly overcommitted can lead to exhaustion, anxiety, and even depression.
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Your relationships suffer. You might think that always saying yes makes you likable, but it often leads to passive-aggressive behaviors or resentment that damages the very relationships you’re trying to protect.
The Hidden Link to Codependency
At its core, codependency is a pattern of putting another person’s needs and feelings ahead of your own. Your identity and self-worth become entangled with your ability to “fix,” “rescue,” or please others.
The inability to say no is a central pillar of this dynamic. It’s rooted in a deep-seated fear that if you don’t meet others’ expectations, you will be rejected or abandoned. This fear makes you feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness, leading you to:
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Avoid conflict at all costs. You’d rather do something you don’t want to do than face someone’s potential disapproval.
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Apologise for everything. You take the blame for situations that are not your fault just to keep the peace.
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Lose your own identity. When you spend all your time and energy focusing on others, you lose touch with your own desires, needs, and sense of self.
This is a vicious cycle. The more you put others first, the more they come to expect it. And the more you give in, the harder it becomes to break the pattern.
Ready to Reclaim Your Power?
The first step to healing is awareness. It’s about recognising that you are worthy of having your own boundaries and that your feelings matter. This isn’t about being selfish; it’s about becoming whole again.
That’s why I created a simple, 3-minute quiz to help you identify where you stand. It’s an honest, no-pressure look at your habits and a powerful first step toward change.
Take my confidential Can I Say No Quiz today.
It’s time to stop feeling guilty for saying no and start saying a powerful “yes” to yourself.
Warmly,
Roslyn Saunders
Addiction & Recovery Coach
Registered NDIS Provider (Psychosocial Recovery Coaching)
Member of the International Institute for Complementary Therapists (IICT)