I often ask my clients a simple question: “Who are you when no one needs anything from you?”
The silence that follows is usually deafening.
If you’re reading this, you might be the person everyone relies on. You’re the “fixer,” the “reliable one,” the one who anticipates a partner’s mood before they’ve even walked through the front door. You’ve spent a lifetime becoming an expert on everyone else’s emotions while your own have been tucked away in a dusty corner.
We call this codependency. But let’s be honest—that word feels a bit clinical, doesn’t it? In the real world, in the trenches of our homes and workplaces, codependency feels like being an invisible anchor. You are holding everyone else steady, but you’re sinking further into the mud yourself.
It’s Not Just “Being Nice”
There’s a common misconception that codependency is just “caring too much.” I wish it were that simple.
In my own journey—navigating addiction in my family and my own recovery—I realised that my “helpfulness” was actually a survival strategy. It was a way to control my environment so I wouldn’t have to feel the discomfort of other people’s pain.
If I could fix my child’s addiction, I’d be okay. If I could manage my partner’s anger, I’d be safe. If I could please my boss, I’d be worthy.
Does that sound familiar? It’s a relentless, exhausting treadmill. You aren’t just supporting people; you are enabling them to stay the same while you lose your identity in the process.
The Mirror You’ve Been Avoiding
Codependency is a bit like a shadow—it follows you everywhere, but you only notice it when the light hits it just right. It shows up in:
The physical knot in your stomach when you have to say “no.”
The “detective work” you do—checking phones, sniffing clothes, or scanning faces for signs of trouble.
The resentment that simmers under the surface because you do so much and get so little back.
The most difficult pill to swallow? We can’t fix people who don’t want to be fixed. But we can fix the way we react to them. We can pull that anchor up and start to navigate our own ship.
Where Do You Sit on the Spectrum?
Recovery doesn’t start with a grand gesture; it starts with a moment of terrifying honesty. You have to be willing to look at your own patterns without the mask of being the “saviour.”
I’ve spent years refining a way to help people see their own reflections clearly. I want to help you figure out if you’re actually supporting your loved ones, or if you’ve accidentally become a hostage to their needs.
I’ve designed a Codependency Quiz specifically to give you that clarity. It’s not about judgment; it’s about data. It’s about finally seeing the rope that’s been tied around your waist so we can start to untie it.
Are you ready to see the truth?
Stop guessing and start healing. It takes less than two minutes to get your score. Once you’re done, you can book a free discovery call with me, and we’ll look at those results together. No shame, just a plan.
👉 Take my FREE Codependency Quiz today and uncover where you stand!
👉 Or, if you’re ready for deeper support, book a FREE Discovery Call with me to discuss how I can help you on your journey!
You’ve spent enough time living for everyone else. It’s time to find out who you are.