Hi everyone, today I’d like to share a story that happened with one of my clients this week. She has given me total permission to share this story in case it may help others.
Just to give a little bit of backstory on this situation: my client’s son has been estranged from her due to past situations. He has asked for space and doesn’t want any contact with his mother. A few weeks ago, the mother was feeling a lot of pain and hurt as her children, including the estranged son, didn’t want to see her. It was particularly difficult for her to get through Christmas without seeing her children, as the holidays tend to bring up a lot of emotions about how things ‘should be.’
After Christmas, she was feeling low, and then she got angry. She decided to take the Christmas presents she had for her grandchildren and dropped them at the front door, crossing the boundary her son had asked for. In response, he sent her a not-so-nice text, feeling violated. He attacked her, and she was devastated by the text, wondering how her son could say such things.
I advised her to stop all contact, as he had asked for space. However, the other day, she called me, saying that anger and abandonment issues were consuming her, and she had sent another text confronting her son. I emphasized the importance of not engaging in mudslinging and drama.
I suggested deleting the text she sent, even if he had blocked her, just to release herself from that negative energy. She initially hesitated, but eventually, she agreed. I highlighted that engaging in conflicts and blaming each other is counterproductive and feeds into the drama. It’s essential to break the cycle, and having a coach or mentor can help in holding oneself accountable.
In conclusion, the key is to resist the urge to participate in the drama, as it only reinforces codependency and a need for control. Holding back, doing nothing, and sitting with emotions can be challenging but is crucial for personal growth and healing. My client felt better after deleting the text, emphasising the importance of leaving things as they are and shifting focus inward to heal codependency.
Thank you for listening, and remember, throwing mud is lost ground; it won’t get us anywhere.
