Hi, I’m Roslyn Saunders, I’m a Addiction Recovery Coach, and if you’re reading this, chances are you’re grappling with one of life’s most challenging situations: loving someone who is struggling with addiction. It’s a journey filled with heartache, confusion, and often, a profound sense of helplessness. I’ve walked alongside countless families facing this very battle, and through it all, one fundamental truth consistently emerges as the bedrock of healing, not just for your loved one, but for you: The Three Cs.
These three simple statements form a powerful recovery toolkit, a guiding light that can lead you, and in turn, your loved one, towards a more fulfilling and rational path to recovery from active substance or alcohol abuse.
I Didn’t Cause It
This is often the hardest C to truly internalise, yet it’s perhaps the most crucial. When someone you care about is caught in the grip of addiction, it’s natural to look inward. You might replay conversations, scrutinise past decisions, or wonder if something you said or did (or didn’t do) somehow led them down this path. The guilt can be crushing, and the “what ifs” can be relentless.
But here’s the truth, and I need you to hear it clearly: You did not cause their addiction. Addiction is a complex disease influenced by a myriad of factors – genetics, environment, trauma, mental health, and individual choices. It is not something you inflicted, nor is it a reflection of your worth or your love. Holding onto this false belief only burdens you with an impossible weight, diverting energy that could be spent on healthy solutions. Releasing this self-blame is the first step in reclaiming your own peace and strength.
I Can’t Cure It
Oh, how we wish we could! The desire to “fix” our loved ones, to magically make their pain disappear and their addiction vanish, is incredibly strong. We might try everything: pleading, threatening, hiding substances, monitoring their every move, sacrificing our own well-being. We become their personal crisis manager, their financier, their alibi. But as you’ve likely discovered, none of these actions truly work in the long run.
You cannot cure their addiction. Just as you can’t cure diabetes for someone, you can’t cure addiction. Recovery is a deeply personal journey, one that requires the individual to take ownership of their disease and actively participate in their own healing. Your role shifts from “curer” to “supporter of their recovery.” This doesn’t mean you stop caring; it means you change how you care, focusing on actions that empower them towards professional help rather than enabling the disease. It means setting boundaries, advocating for treatment, and letting go of the illusion that your love alone can break the cycle.
I Can’t Control It
This C often goes hand-in-hand with the desire to cure. We believe that if we just control enough variables – their access to money, their friends, their schedule, their emotions – we can somehow control the addiction itself. This pursuit of control can consume your life, leaving you exhausted, anxious, and constantly walking on eggshells. You become reactive, living in a constant state of fear and anticipation, your happiness dictated by their sobriety or relapse.
You cannot control their addiction, their choices, or their journey. This realisation, while initially daunting, is incredibly liberating. It frees you from the exhausting Sisyphean task of trying to manipulate an uncontrollable force. Instead of trying to control the addict, focus on what you can control: your own actions, your own boundaries, your own well-being, and how you respond to their choices. This shift in focus is powerful. It allows you to detach with love, to establish healthy limits, and to prioritise your own mental and emotional health.
Embracing the Three Cs – I didn’t cause it, I can’t cure it, I can’t control it – is not about abandoning your loved one. Far from it. It’s about empowering yourself to engage with their addiction in a healthier, more effective way. It’s about recognising that true help comes not from enabling or trying to force change, but from setting clear boundaries, encouraging professional intervention, and most importantly, taking care of yourself.
When you internalise these truths, you create space for constructive action. You can then focus on guiding your loved one toward the professional help they need for recovery, while simultaneously rebuilding your own life, free from the crushing burden of blame, false hope, and relentless attempts at control. This toolkit is for you, a pathway to finding strength, serenity, and a more rational approach in the face of addiction.
Ready to explore how these principles can be applied in your unique situation? Reach out, and let’s talk.
Don’t wait another day to reclaim your life.
www.roslynsaunders.com.au or call me directly at +61 439 339 166.
Book a confidential, free 20-minute chat with me today. Let’s talk about you.
Warmly,
Roslyn Saunders
Addiction & Recovery Coach
Registered NDIS Provider (Psychosocial Recovery Coaching)
Member of the International Institute for Complementary Therapists (IICT)
